Night full of nightmares about essays. Getting them marked, handed in, submitting them, not completing them on time.

Please let up, head-space. I would like a day off.
I have been informed that the biggest betting set-up in Ireland is currently paying out on Obama to win. They've given up any idea of McCain winning. If you go in to make a bet, Obama to win? They'll pay you right then and there.
...I don't know how much more of this I can take. I don't know if it was gearing up to be like this before I left home. I don't know. Adjustment period, etc.

Tried scrolling through my phone book to find numbers of people to call. People for silly conversation with, people who know without explaining. No one answered.

God this feels familiar and self indulgent at the same time.

Mother with grandmother in Cornwall; grandmother has pleurisy.
Bad bad fucking day.

The whole 'i need to switch seminar groups so I can attend my lectures'? Didn't go according to plan. So I am still slotted into a Globalizing World seminar at the same time as my history lecture, haven't attended once, still need to do the work and also have to see three different people in a very short space of time to work out if I'm even taking these units, anymore.

Edit: Oh and the medical/money stuff? Batted back to my GP. Who staunchly refuses. So I have to go see another doctor in the health centre, start from scratch over again. skjfklsdjlkjsdlkfjlkff
I got kicked out of my globalized world politics seminar today. It was two hours as opposed to a single hour, and thus when three hit, I got twitchy - and then we went until four and oh God. Two hours of politics takes preparation time. At the end, my tutor was all 'uh, go to your academic adviser and tell him I think this is a waste of your time'. So I attempt to get to my (now already started) history seminar, only can't work out what room it's in, practically have a panic attack over that combined with having to alter my schedule at Week Three and head up for my advisor's room.

He is not there. I shoot him an email (yay Macbook!) and curl up on the table outside his office in order to wait out anxiety attack/see if he shows. Run into John who was in politics lecture this morning; pass conversation. Freak him out with realization I am twenty-one, not random eighteen year old (note to self - people react way differently to my being three years older) Adviser shows up, waves me in and I get to unburden.

Now, I have to wait for results of him having a meeting with the head of my school in order to work out if I a) stay in the unit despite its uselessness and unwillingness of module tutor to teach me*, b) take an extra history unit to make up the twenty credits that would get dropped with global politics, c) take a second-year politics unit or d) take an extra unit outside the School, like creative writing. Which y'know, would be fun. Completely like going back to St Andrews in terms of three random units thrown together, and I'd have to do it again next semester with Intro to IR but.

What this means is my carefully balanced scheduling, notes, wall-maps, job-looking-for schemes and everything else collapses like a fucking house of cards. Global politics has one lecture - Wednesday afternoon, and a two hour seminar - Monday afternoon. Either I have two hours of lectures during a week and an additional one hour seminar, or the same time stuff as now. Either way, it means shuffling my schedule, possibly switching seminars in history and Social and Political Theory because of clashes with lecture times and jdfkhfjkshfjks

So much fucking stress. So I crashed at seven pm, it's three am and I'm wide awake. -_- Think I'm going in to Norwich to use the library tomorrow.

*Essentially, if I'm to contribute to the class, it means ten minutes breaking down what I said into non-International Relations terms so that everyone else understands. Either I'm painfully bored and learning nothing -- or I'm trying to extract usefulness out of the seminar and talking on my own level to the tutor - and confuzzlement breaks out amongst the rest of the tutor group. Hence my going off on Huntington's 'Clash of Civilizations' = manufacturing of overarching threat to keep American foreign policy strong = current Bush administration and war on terror as opposed to fall out from current international affairs structure and the rest of the class going O_O

Battled university accommodation fees office - fully paid up for first term but now very very poor. >.< Brought back rice from home, have a feeling I shall be living on that, and porridge for the next few weeks, at least til I go home again with a shopping list. >.> Alternatively, phone up my mother and have her give me credit details so I can shop online with Tesco... But. No late fees, I can stop worriting over going over-budget with student accommodation AND I have my bus pass. So yep, poor.

Found the perfect textbook to summarize history course in library - only problem was, it was reference only. Boo. Found a copy on Amazon for £3.50 - with shipping, of course, it becomes something like £6.50 but, much cheaper than photocopying relevant pages/buying new copy from student bookshop OH YES. Additionally, checked out history essay titles for November - one on secularity and the first WW, what do I find in the library? Oh yes. An essay specifically about religion in the first world war in a compilation book. I have checked out that baby, and will be reading it this evening + putting together reading list. I can haz organization?

Shoulders still achy from dragging back three bags of stuff from home BUT on the plus side, I have clean clothes? This is awesome - I did not pay for clean/dry clothes. Surprisingly, this is a massive victory. I also have enough lasagne to last all week in the fridge and banana bread/brownies for when I want them, and I did not pay for that either. Little things :3

Emailed societies officer to get emails of individual societies so hopefully, will start that this forthcoming week. Ballet is not until next week but I dug out leotard, tights and shoes plus cover-up and leg-warmers at home so no spending out on shit. Plus, can bug dancesport society about start-date and also experiment with website stuff so I can show off my stuff xD

Now off to lecture 1 of social and political theory, then an hour's break (which I will probably spend in library or listening to music outside) then history seminar, second break, globalized world seminar (...which I haven't been to the previous two weeks, OH WELL) and then an hour's break and final social/political lecture of the week.

Day finishes at six, but then longest day of the week = Monday. Tomorrow off; knitting, website work, reading for future essays/working out reading lists and guitar practice. Plus probably early-morning run around campus.

Still feeling pretty :/ in general but hopefully exercise and feeling like I've gotten stuff Done will help.
As per usual

Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today!Adopt one today!
Tooling around on the UEA portal, I found the jobshop. 'Ooh' I thought, and decided to y'know, check it out and stuff and see what sort of thing was on offer.

One struck me because it was listed as job title, 'photographer'. It's for an alt clothing company in town called Phix Clothing, who want a regular weekly photograph of latest ~shiny~ for their website. No real experience needed, just an eye, a camera and the capacity for editing photos. 'Ooh', I thought, and fiddled about emailing as the ad had been up for a while.

Guy answered, job still available, wanted to see some of my shots. Sent him a couple of 'arty' type ones and some from the website stuff I've got to work on. Should find out in next couple days. Not bothered if I -don't- get it as wasn't really looking for a job.

But. Ten hours a week, taking photos in town, building up portfolio/experimenting with camera stuff, plus photoshop? And they'll pay me?

Yes please.

Crossed fingers!

Edit: Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today!Adopt one today!
-insert cutesy 'help the dragons!!1!!!1!' message here-

Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today!
Oh dear God.

Signs that possibly, you need to sleep before six thirty am, however much you adore time watching stuff with Chelle?

When sleep involves dreaming you have woken up and need to answer phone/go to the bathroom/respond to urgent thing on laptop.

I have a headache from sleeping too hard -_-
My old dragon died from not enough love!

Help me save these ones. :3

Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today!
For everyone who wants/needs to know;

IMd Rose when she logged on today, this is the response I got from her mom,

This is Rose's mom. She says to tell you that the surgery went well except there has been some bleeding and we need to go to hospital to have caste changed as a resut. We have to figure out how to get her to the computer with her leg raised at 90 degrees so she might not be back on til later today, Rose was hoping you would share news with your other friends. Look for her back on line later today.

So essentially, yay surgery good, bleeding bad, logistics of computer is possibly difficult.
We have returned to 'hot and sticky' weather. Do not want, kthnx.

Spent lunchtime having coffee/chatting with Tom, and helping him hunt for a dress waistcoat and a red cashmere jumper. Mocked him mercilessly for his idiocy in said hunt, and ended up getting 'commissioned' to knit a cashmere scarf for Christmas - he pays for the wool, I just put in the work. Which, y'know, YAY for working with yummy fibres. I have to locate cashmere in 'Cambridge blue' which is significantly harder than just finding cashmere, but.

Also spending the next forty-eight/fifty-six hours knitting like a demon. Been commissioned by Josie to knit bootees and a sweater for a baby shower gift she needs - it's cheaper to pay for the wool and have me knit it than it is to locate proper booties and pay out for them. Have got a really pretty petrol-blue wool that is synthetic and thus machine-washable, and will enjoy watching Bones/knitting.

Also on agenda- dance lesson tomorrow at three, and on Monday I have a contact lenses appointment, which is sorely needed before leaving for uni.
Just a note; going to be on edge today. Loan company sent through a demand for £880 before they'll send out my stuff for this year. Obviously not going to happen, obviously going to get it sorted but major panic attack imminent and will probably kick in when I can't shove it to the back of my head.

£880. After a year and a half. No demand for it back then when I could have paid it. Shit.


And possibly something to amuse myself with during the (inevitable) 'downtime' at university when online is implausible to escape to (bad idea, too easy to get caught up in, no one there, etc).

I have my brother's acoustic lying across my bed, and the tips of my fingers are already red and sore, but I'm not willing to give up yet. Quick computer break, then back to learning how to strum. The guitar is blue and I have learned through experience, it has steel strings. (Ow) I assume nylon would hurt less. It's battered; it's been around for roughly seven years, I think. Tim's eighteen and I think he began playing at age eleven, which would make sense.

At some point this afternoon, he'll come home and claim it back and I'll have to wait until the small hours to go downstairs and outside, and play quietly.

I've wanted to learn for a while. I've heard my brother get better and better, until he's playing snatches of tunes I really like ...But only for practice, and then he switches to his electric and the tune gets lost in the skirl of the amplifer and the distortion of the gadgets he has for his guitar. I remember sitting in 24/7, hearing CMAD play and sing quietly outside. An acoustic guitar, maybe five or six people singing along softly. It was very pretty and very simple and I wanted to do it. When I last went to Cornwall, Tim and I brought friends. We would sit, Emma and I, and my brother and Martin, in the garden of the cottage and listen to Martin play in the sunshine. Sometimes, Emma and I would sing along. It's a warm and happy memory.

As far as it goes? I am not musically talented. It'll take time and effort and likely buying my own and taking it with me, before I can manage anything so simple as playing a tune. I've never been one for the theory of music; I want to learn notes so I can make them into something else. With the flute, it was one note at a time, easy to jump to the next one. With piano, I struggled to make my fingers shape what I could hear in my head. With this, I have to learn chords rather than notes before I can begin.

But it's making me happy. I can sit and I can play around, and hopefully, I'll learn something and if I don't, I've made the start of callouses on my fingertips for something else that'll find them useful.
Didn't foresee this many side-effects ramping up.

Notes for self )

Word to the wise guys. I'm trying to keep a lid on it, also trying to withdraw rather than shove it on other people, particularly when it's unfairly attributing emotions and feelings to other people. I'll be here, I'm just not on form right now. All those 'I'm backsliding' posts? Yeah, I just hit one of my 'you have made X amount of progress!' posts, as in, two months ago. -facedesk-

Dog-cuddles help.
ugghhhh groggy. I totally, totally blame Nat for putting me on Californian time. This is ridiculous. Today I went to sleep at nine am, and woke up at five. Seriously. Ridiculous. In honour of this silly, I need to write Russ/Felicia today and possibly Selina/Shiva or Catwoman/Crane with Jordan, because it is awesome.

But first. Tea, movie, book.

To Do

Aug. 20th, 2008 03:47 am
  • Send Constantine House the copy of notice of withdrawal. First class.
  • Check with UEA accommodation email has been received.
  • Check out DLA, also textbooks.
  • Sort through clothes
  • List of stuff needed; go through room
  • Find replacement messenger bag.

  • Call doctor, set up appt.
  • Get sick-note to job centre.
  • Renew prescriptions.
  • Pick up yarn/patterns for L & F gifts - do I have time for L current gift? Six weeks = more likely to be eight week size. Check out reductions on Debbie Bliss at crappy lys. Plus extra yarn from dye lot to finish sweater @ later date.
  • Library; pay fine, return books, re-read the poli sci book.
  • Dance lesson; make note of individual steps so can practice at home
  • WEBSITE - bully dad into actually writing up stuff. Talk to C about hosting provider, sort out Dreamweaver.
  • Hunt out Converse/winter coat; get parent pointed in right direction.
  • Actually get to sleep for eight hour periods, rather than three hours + four + three, etc.
  • Bake the bread.
  • Lasagna for Sunday - pre-prep and cook, sleep when grandmother arrives.

  • Nina/Simon log; bring in Lucinda when necessary.
  • Work on Russ & Felicia log
  • Catwoman & Huntress intro.
  • Work out where to go with narratives for Aude.
  • KURT APP. Must finish.
  • Decide on EI.

  • Photos, sort.
  • Photoshop playing around; advice.
  • Proobably visit to CMansion tomorrow. Drag him to library so I can pick up moar books?
  • Find him somewhere to explore while I take lesson tomorrow.
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